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The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right, by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider
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The notorious dating handbook bought by millions of women is women's answer to THE GAME. Refreshingly blunt, astonishingly effective, and at times hilarious, THE RULES will show women who is a keeper and how to get 'a ring on it', if that is what they want. The Rules is infamous for telling women how to play hard-to-get: it has garnered more press attention than any relationship book. Should you really turn down any weekend date if he doesn't ask you before Wednesday? According to the Rules authors, Yes! By following THE RULES, the authors claim that you start treating yourself with respect and dignity - and demanding that men do likewise. Love may be blind, but Rules girls are not stupid! How does he act in the relationship? Is he cheap on dates? Is he critical of you? Remember, the Rules are not about marrying the first man you are attracted to who calls you by Wednesday for Saturday night and buys you flowers. It's about marrying your own personal Mr. Right - a man whom you love and whose character you admire and can live with.
- Sales Rank: #605644 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Thorsons
- Published on: 1995-07-24
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.76" h x .55" w x 5.12" l, .36 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 192 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Amazon.com Review
An unexpected bestseller, this self-help book for women who want to hook a man seems to have struck a chord with desperate American women. Fein and Schneider, whose main credentials seem to be that they are married, lay out the rules to be followed for successfully snagging a dream hunk. And these rules are hard as cast-iron--Rule Five: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls. The idea is to return to pre-feminist mind games, exploiting the male hunting urge by playing hard to get. The result seems unliberating--Rule Seventeen: Let Him Take the Lead--but it seems to be capturing female minds. Rules Girls are eyeing the phone with steely resolve, and Rules seminars are springing up nationwide. Curious bachelors have been observed studying The Rules, some frowning, others with the supercilious smile of the hunter.
Review
The Rules is not just a book; it's a movement. -- Time, Elizabeth Gleick
About the Author
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have helped countless unmarried women find marital bliss. Ellen is studing for her Masters in social work and Sherrie is a freelance journalist. They have become chat show regulars and household names in the USA.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
If you slip up and stop using them ~ you will soon see the difference in your partner~ so ladies ~ get this book ~ memorize this
By mc
I would give The Rules triple the number of stars that are available and then some more stars! It might be a very old book with ideas that seem odd to the modern generation BUT they do work! If you use them ~ they work! If you slip up and stop using them ~ you will soon see the difference in your partner~ so ladies ~ get this book ~ memorize this book~ and enjoy the benefits of being a Rules Woman!!!! This book is not just a 'to get a husband' book ~ it is ever so much more! It is how to ensure that you are respected and valued every day ~ as you should be!
Years ago I had this book ~ followed the Rules and enjoyed the benefits ~ then I lapsed .....................and now I have bought the book again and am having to start at step one with my husband! How I wish I had followed them!!!! So I highly recommend THE RULES!!!!
18 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
Very Pratical
By Cakey
Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband. However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy." Obviously it won't be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life (at least, it isn't for me), and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you're dating to maintain the impression that you're a social butterfly and thus be more appealing to him. I honestly don't see the harm in this: if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn't it be even worse to advertise it to the men you're dating? And also: it's really none of his business what you're doing when you're not with him while you're still casually dating.
The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that's the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial (physical pampering), spiritual (doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy), and social (engaging in healthy romantic relationships). So for everybody who's saying this book is anti-feminist, I'll have to respectfully disagree. "Twilight" is a book about damsels in distress; "The Rules" isn't. The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this. Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that's the truth and everybody who's dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING (myself including) just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage...
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Was it really that helpful?
By Athy
Was it really that helpful?
I personally found the book not too helpful. It did give me a few tips on what to do in certain situations and it did give me an insight into how men think and how men treat this "dating game." However, I ultimately have to agree with the other reviewers, everyone is different and it is really hard to conform to this "mold" that this book gives you. Many of the steps/advice in this book may get the man you like to completely lose interest in you. However, I did find the ultimate theme/statement of the book helpful: When you are dating someone, remember that you still have to respect yourself and make sure you don't lose your own life while pursuing someone else. That is the one bit of advice that I still follow; it makes me not only independent, but it shows my significant other that I have my own personality and individuality and I will never lose that no matter who I am with. This, in and of itself, is a very attractive trait to men.
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Obviously the book has its pros and cons besides what I said above. I have a couple of gripes about it but I do have some positive feedback for it in addition to my general feedback above:
PROS
1) This book really emphasizes on being who you are and never losing your own personal life. I think this is really good advice for any woman to take. Throughout the book, it tells you ways to keep busy, things to do before a date, and methods to keep your mind off of a man. This, I think, is the ultimate respect you can give yourself.
2) Many of the methods in this book can work, if you do it right and if you do it in low dosages. (Or if you are brave enough to even do them at all). Personally, it takes a lot of self control to get to that point, which is tough, but if done correctly I do think there are definitely beneficial effects to your relationship.
3) Personally, I have a relatively low self esteem. Reading and rereading this book at times when I feel really miserable or I feel like I'm "cracking" (in terms of self control: not calling him so often, not texting him, etc.) really helps boost my mood up for some reason. It tells me what people usually don't tell each other, that we are "worth it" and we need to focus on ourselves first and foremost.
CONS
1) It is needless to say that this book is a bit outdated. It tells you to do things like ignore his calls, or if you miss his voice, call him and get his voicemail to hear his voice. Nowadays, it is not very possible to do such things. With technology such as caller ID, text messaging, etc. you can't ignore someone's phone calls for 2 days. You also can't ignore someone's text message for two days. Additionally, there's no way you can call constantly to hear his voicemail because it will say 23 missed calls from you on his cell phone (already a sign for him to stay away from you).
2) As I mentioned earlier, the tips in this book conform to a mold, given that the man you are trying this on is the same type of men they are talking about in the book. I would actually estimate about 30-50% of men in the world do not actually conform to that mold. Which means that this will not work with everyone. This also means that if you really like someone, think before you do the methods mentioned in the book because it may be qualities that make them turned off you!
3) The tricks and tactics in this book are only "tricks" in my opinion. They psychologically "trick" the man into liking you. In this way, I do not think that it's a very truthful approach to dating, nor is it a sustainable method in a long term relationship. Since this book aims to get you a good man to marry, it seems only good up to that point. Unfortunately after you are with someone for a really long time, no matter what "tricks" you did to get him in the beginning, after 10-20 years of marriage, it won't really have that much affect on him anymore. Sure, he'll be completely into you for the first couple of years of marriage but eventually it's going to fade and you're going to have to depend on your own self and personality to keep him interested.
- - - - - -
I would recommend this book for a fun read, but I wouldn't take it too seriously. I wouldn't follow the rules word for word, they are more like guidelines rather. After reading this book, I actually found a couple of other books that I feel are more helpful in giving insight to the man's mind as well as how a female can cope with that in their own ways:
-He's Just Not that Into you -- by Greg Berendt. Yes this book may sound frivolous but it is also a fun read, and rather than tell you what to do, it gives you signs that he's not that into you (which is always helpful)
-The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to get More out of your relationship by doing less -- by Scott Haltzman MD and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo. This book was it for me. For some reason, all of my relationship problems were mentioned in this book, and it really gave me deep insight on how a man's mind works and how to approach it and make your relationship better. I think that this book was more helpful than the "Rules" book. Even though this book is about marriage, you can read it and it would still apply to any relationship.
-Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction -- by Barbara Pease and Allan Pease. This book is a more scientific approach on the female/male mind. Understanding the effects of the chemicals in our brain is really helpful to understanding the differences between the male/female mind. Plus, there are a lot of interesting facts/statistics in here that are really helpful to know. With any amount of deduction, you will be able to understand the underlying messages and will know how to approach dating situations.
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